If the son of the house would play till late, not eat food or (most often) not fare well in the exams, it wasn’t uncommon to hear the parents threatening him with “You are good for nothing, you are a disgrace, you are worthless, you should be ashamed of what you’ve done and you will be sent away to a hostel!” When I was growing up, a lot of my uncles would do this to their so-called undisciplined sons. And this was a trump card! Having to hear it was punishment itself.Jokes apart, the idea was always to frighten the child with the threat of taking away the pampering and comforts that are very much a part of, and define, a home. The notion was that sending a child to a hostel for the tough
life would bring much-needed discipline in the son’s (come to think of it, I have never heard of parents threatening their daughters!) life. Perhaps old-fashioned, but this idea was accepted by everybody in the household.

Mock threats will pass, and there does come a time in life when we all leave the nest. I believe that homesickness is inevitable – in fact, a rite of passage in life. So it is a good idea to give children a taste early on. The earlier it is overcome, the better it is for the child – and in turn – for everybody else, for the reason that they will be prepared for the big step of moving out to live. A few ideas (for the parents who are reading): enroll your children with the NCC or Scouts/Guides, send them to camps or workshops in the summer, allow them to go on school excursions and trips, encourage them to take up sports and take part in outstation tournaments and so on. Boarding schools are in a league of their own. They have great impact on character, and it often shows. A boarding school product would have had an education completely different from that of a day scholar. And there is no way to know except for having been there to find out. And we’re not even going to talk about it! Today, we’re going to stick to talking about life in the hostel for the higher studies folks.

Most top colleges and universities have hostels and residential blocks on campus. Some of them recommend, while some of them say it is strictly required for students to stay on-campus. More often than not, it turns out to be the most inexpensive option for living. As we’ll find out, value for money living is not the only attraction!Here is a list of major things to expect at the hostel:

1. Independence, Freedom and Responsibility The reward of being independent is freedom. You get to make all the decisions. You get to choose how to spend your days, what to eat, how much sports you want to play and so on. Make the most of this freedom as this is your time. No more home restrictions for you. You are in a new phase of your life and you must experience it with all your involvement. Wander out, meet new people, get to know and try new things, see what gives you joy, pick up hobbies,make them your passions and enjoy your freedom. That being said, the other part about independence is that you’re on your own. You’re now responsible for yourself. There are a lot of decisions waiting to be made – all by you, and for you. They range from the mundane to the life-changing. Things like whether you should wash your clothes now or later, in which field you should specialize in your study, whether you are going to eat one big meal or four small meals, how to manage your money for the term and so on. Being constructive is the obvious option here. After a certain age, we all become aware of this. There is no need for parents, or anybody, to reinforce that. Losing sleep, skipping meals, harming health, abusing your time, substance abuse and many other chronic bad habits would send you down a spiral. Cleaning up one’s act is very tough, and it should ideally never come to that stage. Being destructive is easy. But, as it will always be, the choice is yours!

2. Sharing :Few are fortunate to have a room all to themselves for their stay on the campus. More often than not, the room will be shared with at least one more person. You are going to be sharing space with other people, who will probably be strangers when you first meet. Be nice to them, you will share the roof for years and there is no point in making enemies. This might be new to you because you’re not used to “outsiders” sharing the room. But you’re all in the same boat and it would be best to show consideration and respect for the others and their space. Harsha Vardhan Sripathi, from BITS Pilani Goa campus says, “The key to a great hostel life is making the right friends. There will be countless things you will tend to borrow over the course of your hostel life. Yes, this will happen far more than you think. Shampoo, deodorant, toothpaste, snacks, water, coke,books, dishwasher, detergent and what not! I once borrowed an LCD monitor from a friend because mine was stolen! In a hostel your friends are like your family at home. No one can live alone, not for long anyway, so make friends
and make them fast!” It’s good to keep your own set of things. But be cordial and don’t hesitate to share your things.

Even if you will have a “single room” all for yourself, you will still find yourself sharing space with people around you. That is the idea of hostels. There will be a lot of common areas, most important of all being the wash and dining areas (TV comes next!). Get accustomed to the new setting as early as possible, as you will have to use them for years and you have a role to play in the upkeep of these common areas.

3. Doing it the hard way This section is about cleaning your mess. You will need to clean your room, change the sheets on the bed, sweep and mop the floor, wash and iron your clothes and a lot more… all with your own hands! The reason this part is so hard is because there are some things that you will learn. You will learn to appreciate and respect all the domestic helpers that you have seen in your house. You will not be taking for granted the chores of life. You will learn the bigger lesson that is “If you have made the mess, you should clean it yourself.” A lot of people (the first being your parents) will consider you as a “responsible” child if you can show them that you will not shirk these duties that will be so vital in making a home. About cleaning, Venkat Gopal, who went to IIT Guwahati, says, “Don’t
yell at your friends for making your room dirty ever. They’ll stop doing it themselves, and they won’t stop coming to your room either - so it’s the best of both worlds.”

4. Homesickness : This is one demon that you are bound to deal with at some point of your life. The good news is that, like most things, homesickness comes with an expiry date. It means that it will go away eventually. But what it really means is that you cannot afford to brood forever. You will miss
your house, the folks, the food, comforts of home and your siblings. You will not want to socialize with any of the people around you. As Rahul Sanghi, who went to Vellore Institute of Technology, explains, you will feel as though the world is going to end: “I stayed in a 34 bed nursing home-like dormitory, I had no cupboard to keep my clothes in, my slippers would disappear as soon as I would get into bed, they
would come back after a week, people would jump over my bed as if to clean their feet on my sheets, they used to switch on the light after I had slept, I would sweat like a pig while just coming out of a sh ower, I vomited in the mess when I was ill, I had to deal with all kinds of people, I hated walking around for miles in the sun just to go to classes or just to get a piece of paper signed by a junior-assistant
teacher, I missed my family, hometown, food,and the luxury of getting everything on a platter.” But hang on there. Here are a few tips: sign up for campus activities, restart your longlost hobby, and mix with the people around you. One of the best tips that I have heard in a long time comes from Dr. Viraj Reddy who says, “When I went to medical college, I would play sports or engage in physical activity. The idea
was to become physically tired, in order to fall asleep faster and prevent staring at the ceiling during those lonely hours!” Venkat Gopal has another tip: “People who play sports are seen as hostel heroes - especially if they’re good, they’re given more respect even if they’re not the brightest.” Basically, keep yourself busy to ward off any thoughts of home. This doesn’t mean that you must cut-off ties from home. You should stay in touch with folks at home. Vidisha Raj has an idea. She says, “I used to keep my shelves stacked with homemade pickle. Also try to keep sheets, curtains, photographs and other things from home in your room – things that will remind you of home fondly.” But if you find yourself
calling home 6 times a day, you are overdoing it. Avoid being obsessed about home. At such a sensitive time, it will only worsen the situation!

5. All this while studying for your degree “I never let schooling interfere with my education” – Mark Twain If your family understands and agrees with this quote, congratulations, you have it easy. If you ever find yourself feeling disengaged with the academics of college, remind yourself that however true the quote might be, you are there for a purpose. It is your duty to see to it that you do what it takes to finish courses smoothly. At every milestone, try to remind yourself that distractions will be there, ambitions might change, but you were sent there to get valuable, quality education (or “get a degree”, whichever way you want to look at it). That is your job. If you think it will help you, try to remind yourself of how expensive the college fee is, and who is paying for it.

6. The Unexpected There is simply no saying what you’ll run into on this journey. Expect to have a few jolts during your time on campus. Be prepared to face the most exhilarating days as well as the most shocking days of your life. With regard to ‘the unexpected’, Saurya Chakraborty, who  went to BITS, Pilani says, “Always keep in mind that there is an authority that is the administration/warden. While it’s true that they are neither your parents nor the police, they have been entrusted with the job of looking after you and laying down the rules of the place. And you will have little choice but to fall in line.” In Saurya’s case, ‘the unexpected’ usually meant ‘trouble’ with the warden. He says, “Have fun, but stay within limits. If you feel that some rules are senseless, make it known to the administration, but do it peacefully.” Some of you may have expected this to be the section that discusses ragging. But you shouldn’t make a big deal of it or give it too much importance. Ragging, by our law, is illegal and a punishable offence. The practice started in boarding schools in England where the freshers would be made to serve the seniors, for the noble cause of (believe it or not) warding off homesickness for the new boys!

One thing led to another, and today we have this situation where it’s an ugly word. There are many rules to eliminate this, but truth is that a bit of it still remains. If you happen to find yourself blocked in a corner by seniors, don’t panic. Play along as long as it is fun, take the jokes and don’t even think about taking yourself too seriously. Assume that the intentions are always good. Think of it as a way of just getting to know some seniors. Feel secure in the fact that if you think things will go out of hand, you know that you can report incidents. It is, after all, your right to keep your dignity.

7. And the memories Rest assured that these will be the best years of life with some of the best people you will ever meet. Rahul de Souza, a graduate from Vellore Institute of Technology seems to be in a mood for reminiscence. He says, “Hostel life is the best part of any student’s life. Countless things to learn and countless moments to cherish… For the freshers, there will always be those sentimental moments initially, but once that is done you’ll never want it to end.” He seems to have some kind words for the caretaker at his hostel mess “Except for the food woes, this surely is one holiday of a lifetime!” I have to quote my cousin, Ananth Jupudi, whose words still ring in my ear. He was one of those tormented boys whose father (my respected uncle) would bring up the H-word at the drop of a hat! Ananth, who is now a successful and settled man, said to me just days before I left for my hostel, “At first, staying in a hostel would feel like the worst way to live. After moving on from campus, you will feel like you do not want to live anywhere else.” However simple that sounds, it is the truest adage about hostel life. And frankly, a year on, I still have not come to terms with life after campus! (A note to parents reading this column: If you wish to send your children to a hostel, by all means, please do. I’m not advocating sending them away prematurely, but when it comes to sending them to a hostel, be wary of schools/ universities that have ridiculously strict and meaningless rules. The decision could prove to be counter-productive. Instead of learning to be independent – or whatever values you desire
your child to cultivate – the child may end up becoming bitter, fearful or even worse, rebellious. It is not difficult to separate the mature schools/universities from the notorious. Take time and make sure you are aware of all the rules and policies of the school/ university.)